Poem

I wrote this poem some time ago and recently shared it along with my testimony to a group of college students. It was a great night and have since been encouraged to share it with others.

Questions

By: Kathryn Hallinan

So many questions in my head-

Where was He when it happened?

Outside, looking in?

Around the corner, waiting

Until I really needed Him?

Did I know Him then?

Was He real to me?

Did He exist, as they say,

Outside time and eternity?

What if I never knew Him?

What if He never knew me?

Did I pray the prayer right?

Or did I invite this evil into my life?

But “whatifs” and “did I”s will get me nowhere,

Stuck in a world that’s convinced He doesn’t care.

Worse still, a world that’s convinced He doesn’t exist.

All these questions,

Spinning through my head,

Astounding and confusing me.

All at once, they turn to a statement

That stops me dead

In my tracks:

“You’ll never be enough”

Wait, why is this about me?

“You’ll never be enough”

I hear it echo in my ears:

“You’ll never be smart enough,

            Pretty enough,

            Confident enough,

            Talented enough,

            Athletic enough,

            Musical enough,

            Dramatic enough,

            Defensive enough…

Good enough.

That’s really what you mean, isn’t it?

All these adjectives you send

Spinning through my mind,

Whirling between my ears,

When all you really mean

And all I really hear

Is, “good enough”.

“You’ll never be good enough.”

Well, that’s true.

I’ll never be good enough to warrant the God of the universe

Coming to earth as a baby boy

To live and die on a Roman cross,

Just to take away my sins.

I’ll never be good enough

To deserve him sending

His Spirit to live and dwell in me.

And I’ll never be good enough

To deserve unfettered communion with the Father.

That’s what grace is for.

But then again, this isn’t about me,

And all these questions

However thought intriguing and thought provoking they may be,

Only prevent me from asking the right one:

Who?

Who is He?

The One who is good enough,

The Spotless Lamb,

Slain for the sins of the World,

Who alone is worthy.

He who is perfect as the Father is perfect,

And Holy as he is Holy.

Jesus.

It doesn’t matter where He was,

Only Who He is.

Jesus.

The God of the universe made flesh,

Sent to die not only for my sins,

But for his, too.

He who sought to steal, kill and destroy

My very chance of knowing Him.

(Well, not exactly him, but the pathetic excuse for a man he used to do it)

The same man who claimed to not believe in Him with one breath,

And then be close as brothers in the next.

But here’s how I know how good Jesus is:

He calls me to pray for him.

This same man who was used to keep me from knowing Him-

He loves him just as much as He loves me.

And that will never change.

And I praise God for that.

If it weren’t true,

Where would I be?

In a gutter somewhere,

Cold and alone,

Or somewhere else,

Surrounded by people,

Proud as can be.

Either way, it’d be far from Him,

Trying to make it on my own,

Believing the lie that I’m free.

The question again,

The right one, this time:

Who is He?

Who is He who redeems the lost and unlovely?

Who is He who heals the broken?

Who is He who humbles the proud, and sets His desires in their newly-restored hearts?

He of whom it is spoken:

“His name shall be called,

Wonderful Counselor,

Mighty God,

Everlasting Father,

Prince of Peace.”